Doctor, my eyes have seen the years...

This post is not about jackson browne, though i love him and that song. it's about my baby girl's eyes, which began to do some strange things a week ago.

maya gazed at jimmy over the bars of her crib, "she's crossing her eyes!", he exclaimed. "really?", i said. "she's probably just being funny."
the next day she did it twice. and the following day, several more times. by this morning, she was unable to do anything but cross them. i could tell that she was viewing the world with her right eye, as the left drifted listlessly in toward her nose. i wish i could accurately descibe the emotion that boils over when as you helplessly watch your previously perfect child changing like this. the fact that it's her eyes is especially breaking.
the baby's eyes have been commented on her whole life. these are eyes that poems would be penned over, that are inspirational enough to put paint to canvas, that one day some man would remark was the reason he fell in love with her. the shape and depth she inherited from her grandmother, the expressiveness from her grandfather, topped with eyelashes that wars would be fought over.

And now when she looks at me, i see this strange child staring back at me, cross eyed. and all the stupid long held stigmas and prejudices we have rise to the surface. she looks slow witted. handicapped. unattractive. i hate myself for thinking it, but i think it helplessly.. ingrained on my consciousness as those views are. at the eyeglass store today, they set the new pair on her nose and say, "there. look how cute she looks!" and i think, you didn't see her a week ago. don't patronize me. i know what people think when they see crossed eyes. besides, you don't know what else the doctor said.., i thought as tears stupidly spilled down my red cheeks as the technician averted her eyes.

the pediatric opthomologist said she was slightly far sighted and hopefully it will correct itself. hopefully the eye will, at least, drift back to center. okay, not the end of the world... she may not have to wear glasses for too many years. but then he said it was worrisome how quickly this came on, her eye's reaction to such a slight far sightedness. "let's get an MRI. there may be something putting pressure on the optic nerve. it may take a while to get in. they will have to sedate her."
and now the agony of waiting until we can get her in for that. what will they see what they drug my baby girl and slide her into the big white coffin? what sick fears do i have to tangle with this next week while i wait for answers?

leaving lens crafters at the mall, we come upon a fountain. lily begs for a chance to make a wish. 3 pennies in my pocket, one for each. i hold my penny a moment longer than usual, tears brimming in my eyes. just be okay, just be okay. i don't care what she looks like, as long as she is okay....

gear review: inov-8 f-lite 230

what? i thought you ran barefoot...? why are you still reviewing shoes?!
while, yes, i run barefoot to train, it is not the end of the line for me. let's face it - there is a certain practicality to wearing a shoe. when people run completely barefoot they have to be careful about where they run, what type of races they sign up for, and in some cases- what time of day it is. the goal i had was that by removing my shoes, i may find inside of me my natural and uninhibited form and would be able to bring that back to a reduced shoe and replicate it. i have found that it works beautifully for me, though for others BF is the only way to be.
back story out of the way, let's focus on the task at hand.

problem: a good majority of ultra races are no longer on roads, but trails. i believe that minimal/ reduced shoes will get you pretty much anywhere you want to go if you train your feet right. however, everything i have tried so far is either lacking in the grip department (XC flats) or in the sensory feedback department (five fingers, teva protons.. too much feedback for racing). what i am looking for is something lightweight, flexible, roomy (for proper foot function and foot swelling during ultras), with good grip and good ground feel..but not too much ground feel.

solution (hopefully): inov-8 f-lite 230. i saw this shoe reviewed on a blog called "Run the ultras" and that review is here, immediately proceeded by a review of the NB MT100. seeing these 2 shoes compared side by side by a pair of ultrarunners is just what i needed. if they felt that the shoe held up and grip was good enough for them to run 50 miles in, then from an ultra standpoint it was good enough for me. what concerned me was how low to the ground, roomy and flexible the shoe would be. let me take a moment to explain why i didn't choose the mt100s. yes, they are the shoe that anton krupicka helped to design, and some of you know how much i look up to him. that being said i had heard things about them that worried me: a really stiff rockplate, too firm heel cup that comes up too high on the achilles, and the inside profile view of the arch area looked questionable. that arch looks a bit too built up for my liking.

unfortunately there is several inches of snow on the ground and there will be no testing these shoes on technical trails for a couple more months. that said i have taken them about 10 miles, 2 on snow covered trails and am ready to give initial impressions.

fit: inov-8s are notoriously narrow, however they are unisex, this fact bodes well for the roominess i was seeking. i ordered a 1/2 size up to hopefully allow for toe spread and foot swelling during ultras. this ended up being absolutely perfect. the first thing i did upon receiving them was to remove the 6mm insole, which makes the shoe a bit stiffer and steals quite a bit of room that you could fill with a thick sock if need be. i found them to be quite pleasant and roomy without the insoles, but okay with them as well. taking them for hill repeats, i found that on the steep downs my foot was sliding forward. will work on tying laces tighter, or indeed, i may need that insole as the shoe doesn't have an incredible amount of width, but it does have a lot of volume. may be an option to begin an ultra or long run with insole in and remove as the feet expand. the big test: could i fan my toes out? a great big yes to that.. as wide as i could fan them! yay toes.

heel height: about the same as my XC flats : a 12 mm difference between heel and toe. not bad. still a raised heel, but not so much that it causes a form change or pitches me forward on my toes. in photo below, note heel height and shoe volume.

cushioning: zilch. there is nothing to this shoe besides a sole, an upper and a removable insert. when i first put them on, i was thinking how hard they were. my XC flats have a sole made of this somewhat bouncy rubber, but the sole on these shoes offers no rebound. it'll take some getting used to, but for the record i think it's a good thing. research shows that when we have soft cushioning under our feet the impact forces are much higher. the conjecture is that our feet are "searching" for solid ground and unconsciously we pound hard looking for that support. these shoes are so firm, they truly are "portable" ground as i feel no difference in firmness when i run in these vs. running bf or in five fingers.

flexibility: here is where i was shocked. how can a trail shoe bend in half and twist so much laterally? inov-8 is not some fly by night company and trail runners round the world have sung their praises for years. they were also one of the first company to really build shoes with the goal of allowing the foot to be a foot and do it's own supportive work. i trust that if these trail experts say these are durable enough to run trails, then they are. besides, "durability" is over rated. i have beat my XC flats into the ground and put well over 1000 miles on them and they are still ticking.

upper: happily, there is no substance here. if you are used to a traditional trail shoe with all of the structure and water proofing and hard toe kicks and foot wrapping technology and that's what you like, you are barking up the wrong tree. this shoe is basically comprised of mesh with a toe kick that appears to be a paint thin coat of flexible rubber. with trail socks on, i could easily feel the wind rushing around my feet yesterday and my socks were soaked when i came back from my snowy trail run. good for drainage, anyway. there is a thin bit of foam at the heel cup, which doesn't bother me yet. but i may perform surgery to remove it when i am logging more miles.

sole: this is inov-8s sticky rubber. it does not have the deep lugs and grooves that my solomans or anything other trail shoe i've laid my eyes on has. inov-8 promotes these shoes for short distance, hard pack trail racing. i get the sense that the sole may wear down quite quickly with the kind of miles i log, but it remains to be seen. wish that i could comment on how it performed on wet rocks and technical trails. the 2 miles i did on snowy trails and 8 miles on icy roads were quite pleasant, and i did feel as though i had good grip, better than with any of my other shoes. however, the treads became jammed with snow pretty quickly and i think that these shoes are likely not the best for a very muddy course. doing an indoor test with small debris (dice, crayons etc) i can tell you that i felt the sharp sting of putting my body weight on the obstacles less in the inov-8s than in my XC flats. i don't believe that these shoes would make you very happy on an old rail road bed, but my conjecture is that they will be fine on all but the gnarliest of terrain.

i'll give a further update in spring once i can hit the trails. for now, the inov-8 f-lite 230s are cheapest at zappos and i highly recommend picking them up if you are looking for a minimal trail shoe.
run on.

30th birthday party report

should i write this race report style? should i just throw up a bunch of pictures and make you figure it out? should i make a list?
duh. just answered my own question. make a list is always the right answer.

what was so awesome about my birthday weekend:

• themes, movies and thoughtful gifts on thursday night. yes, the celebrating started thursday when jim gave me my gifts. dvds of original julia child cooking shows, the movie julie and julia, huararches made just for me by BF Ted himself (!) and the reveal of my party theme : Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote, as i am an unapologetic road runner, and jim for some reason thinks i bare resemblance to the swift footed bird. also got me a gigantic high heeled shoe pinata, as he thought there would be nothing i'd rather beat with a big stick than that monster! all sweet and thoughtful gifts.

• cheering for team jimmy at Cast a Shadow 6 hr. no snow shoes this year, as not enough snow was to be had. but single digits, tough course which quickly turned into a soupy mess, and my hubs fights hard and takes 2nd place! so proud... wish i could have seen him finish.

• girls night. gigantic margarita! (and a second one for good measure) comedy show! the "mating game"! fancy outfits! no kids!!!!
• food. my lord and my god, the food! my sweet husband remembers who catered our wedding! and what we ate! and he has it brought in... it tastes better than i remember. my sister of the knee quaking cookies makes 2 trays worth. enormous carrot cakes. shitty wine. greasy pizza. homemade bread. yes, i have a MAJAH food hangover, but it was worth it.

• friends and family. got to meet sister's new boyfriend, got to visit with jim's sisters and their families whom i don't see as often as i'd like. lily nearly wept with joy when her friends and cousins showed up. tons of hugs and well wishes and claims that i looked much younger than 30 (such sweet liars!)

• thoughtful gifts. okay, now i am sure you had a birthday where you received an exciting gift or two, but it is not possible that EVERYTHING you got was so perfect and special and thoughtful. cookbooks, flowers, running books, marian keyes' latest, inov-8 shoes, race ready shorts, GCs, cash, spa trips, wine, cooking paraphernalia! how is it possible that not once did i have to make the "fake-happy- surprised" face? i got things i wanted and things i didn't know i wanted until i got it!

• the. house. is. clean. my totally exhausted hubs didn't let on once how beat he was and he cleaned up, set up, the took apart and cleaned up again. all i did was bake some bread and throw the mop around. we had 30 people here and it looks as though we had none.
  
• the fridge is FULL of leftovers. i am torn.. i am not certain whether this is a good thing or not. part of me is screaming yippee! the other part is crying for someone to throw it all away for me so i don't eat it.

so far 30 is great. i didn't get to do my 30 miles this weekend, due to a wonky calf, but it's just as well as i will likely begin building for the first ultra of the year this weekend... good to have a rest. i tried out my inov-8s, which i will review here on wednesday. left overs for dinner tonight, so a 4th day off from cooking! the girls are being quiet-ish this AM and i got to go back to bed after my short run. so glad that my new decade is under way.
thanks for sharing it with me
run on

birthday weekend here we come!!

i have nothing productive or meaningful to share with you today. i just wanted to say how flippin excited i am to turn 30 on sunday! i have always loved birthdays (you know how i am about holidays, anniversaries and the like..). i am getting goose bumps thinking about it. here is why i love my birthday so much:
1) food.
2) cake. yes... cake is food, but in my book it needs it's own category. i insist on getting a carrot cake from a bakery called Cheesy Eddies. they have the best cake you will ever have in your life. they made a carrot cake for our wedding, and the day after our wedding we sat down with 2 forks and ate the entire top layer together. it's that good. the frosting makes you want to cry.
3) wine. man, nothing helps me with my social phobias better than 2 glasses of wine. which makes my party much more enjoyable
4) party with family and a few friends. i am not the "invite everyone you know" to the soiree kind of girl.. it overwhelms me. but having people there that i really love a lot who i am comfortable with... boy, that just makes me happy.
5) presents. i ain't gonna lie.. i am not one of those people who says "you don't need to bring a gift". i like stuff, baby! it can even be crappy stuff. unfortunately i am materialistic... i wish i weren't, but i yam what i yam. at least i am easy to shop for anyway...
6) fodder for memories. this weekend gives me an opportunity to create some special memories, take some photos and celebrate life. and i plan to!

saturday i have the privilege of going to one of my favorite restaurants and out to a comedy show with a few of my girlfriends and my sis. sunday i get to have my dear ones over for a party that jim is thoughtfully throwing me.... complete with an awesome theme, that i will no doubt expand on next week in my birthday party report! i also plan to celebrate 30 years by running 30 miles this weekend. what a life... what a joy it's been. can't wait for 30 more!


seen above, lily's rendition of mommy in her pink party dress and a green cake. ("cause green is mommy's favorite color")

barefoot running news

some things have been happening in the world of barefoot running. Runners World and Time magazine (big names obviously) featured a couple of boring and predictable articles on running bare. blah blah, tests show that people running in shoes strike with much more force/ blah blah you'll step in dog poop. all good stuff in my book if it gets people talking about whether or not corrective shoes are beneficial.

yesterday i, along with many other runners, received something very aggravating in our in boxes, seen above. A mass email from Road Runner Sports, ever heard of em? hundreds of thousands of people received the same email as well.

what i find interesting about this is the blatant and desperate scare tactics Mike used in an attempt to drive sales. i mean, really? PEA SIZED ROCKS WILL TAKE A CHUNK OUT OF MY FOOT?! OH EM GEE!! MUST GET SOME LUNAR TRAINERS, STAT! i mean... come on, give your customers credit for not being complete morons. what would have been more useful would be if he presented the science behind why running in the shoes that RRS carries make people faster, safer, or less injury prone runners. but he didn't, because such information doesn't exist. and trust me, i am certain it isn't because the multi billion dollar running shoe industry haven't tried to prove themselves indispensable. proving that their shoes make you less injury prone would be a magic bullet for whichever one of the big manufacturers could do it. it's just not possible, because it isn't true. also found this little piece of interesting info about said CEO. maybe we shouldn't put too much stock in his expert opinion after all?

Brooks' CEO just came out with a nice open letter about BF running. at least he admitted he was biased, and at least he left it open to discussion on their message boards. though i am pretty sick of the lame recycled tripe about how people who over pronate and are "heavy strikers" NEED this that and the other. (maybe they are heavy strikers because of the boat anchors they are wearing for shoes..?) and the claims that most runners should be wearing a cushioned shoe because it's "beneficial and comfortable". umm... could we have some proof of those benefits?

i think that any way that BF running makes headlines will drive curiosity and hopefully drive more scientists into the foray to set out and prove once and for all whether we really benefit from all that padding and correction. i hope that shoe companies begin to move in the right direction, and i hope we begin to see more and more minimalistic choices for those who are too nervous to completely lose the shoes.

in much better news, the science journal "Nature" hosted a cover story this week on Dr. Lieberman's barefoot running research. you have to pay to view the nature article, and most of us wouldn't understand it anyway, so here is a review of his work. fascinating, encouraging, and a great REAL study on the impacts of shod heel strike, unshod heel strike and bare forefoot landings. trust me, if you are skeptical this is the type of study you should be looking at, and not taking my word for it. maybe this article in such a credible magazine is what prompted Brooks and RRS to come out and denounce BF running this week...?

and finally here is some great news for barefoot and minimalist runners far and wide! On may 8th of this year there is going to be an official barefoot runners meetup and race at the Fifth Third Riverbank Run in Grand Rapids, MI. The race is a 5k, 10k and 25k, and events will include a party and after race get together. according to ken bob saxton it will be the largest turn out of barefoot runners at a race in US history, and there may be some attempts at a Guinness record. although there are races world wide that have many more BF runners, Guinness has not yet tabulated a record. either way, it'll be a really cool event. minimalist runners are welcome to the party as well and more info can be found here.

personally i cannot wait for 50 degree temps so i can log some miles out on the pavement sans shoes again. the treadmill is just not the same. and in general my feet are missing the feel of the gas pedal, grass, and even chip sealed roads. soon.. soon...



(if you could not read it, here is the text from the letter above:
Dear Runner,
I care about your health and well being. That's why when I hear headlines talking about the supposed benefits of "barefoot running"... I can't stay quiet!
Don't blindly follow the latest trend. This barefoot running thing is a major injury waiting to happen. Roads and trails are littered with pea sized rocks just waiting to take a big bite out of your feet and leave you sidelined for weeks.
Ever walked on the beach or sidewalk and seen glass shards by the dozens? Don't step on those if you plan on running in the future.
Look, there are some great shoes to help you run "minimalist". Just try the Nike Free or Lunar Glide. But barefoot? Yikes! Look out below!
See you on the road,
Mike G)

2 year anniversary

well, it is not an exact science after all, since i didn't begin tracking my mileage for a couple months, but it was in january that i began to run, 2 years ago. on my old blog site i posted this towards the end of february:

jimmy and i are going to run the lilac festival 10k. this is a big deal for a couple of fatties or former fatties... or current fatties.. i guess it depends on which incarnation of ourselves you are comparing us to, or who else is in the room. but we've been running for about 2 1/2 months now.. not fast and it ain't pretty... but it will give us something to work towards. we may finish dead last, but i would love to finish. keep your fingers crossed.

thinking back to that time i clearly remember how much i hated to run. basically - jim said he wanted to train for a 10k and i HAD to do it with him. there was just no way he was going to be a runner and i wasn't. by the end of march i had made it up to 3 miserable miles and wondered to myself how there was any freaking way possible i'd be able to go twice as far. then on march 31st i was at the library and i saw it. Ultramarathon Man was sitting on a little pedestal next to the checkout. and the still small voice told me, "pick it up." and i told the still small voice that it was completely crazy, that the book jacket said that this dude was an "all night runner" and that i just wanted to run 6 miles and what the heck did i have in common with that lunatic? and the still small voice said, "don't argue with me, dummy. i put that there for you. pick it up and put it in your pile". well, you and i both know that it is futile to argue with the still small voice, so i took the silly book with me. at home i laid the kids down for their naps and i reluctantly hunkered down with the book. i didn't move again (except to get the kids up) for 4 hours, while i read the whole thing straight through. yes, it was a good book.. well written, funny, interesting. i had no idea that people did such things, that it was possible, safe, available etc. but what really kept me reading was this compulsion to complete the change that was taking place inside of me. you see, it was about halfway through the book and something... some puzzle piece that had gone missing, that i never knew WAS missing, dropped into it's previously vacant slot. a sleeping giant was awoken inside of me. in that one afternoon my heart took it's first beats as an ultra endurance athlete. my body didn't know how, yet, but that was a formality. one day i was going to run really far like dean karnazes. one day i was going to run all night long. i was not scared about whether or not i'd be able to.. to me it was a forgone conclusion. quietly i went on with the rest of my day, wondering how the world around me could keep turning and everyone else could go on as if nothing had happened, when my entire world had just shifted on it's axis.

and now i am here, thinking about 2 years of running, remembering where it started and contemplating where it's going. i have been asked about dreams or ultimate goals before, yet i suppose i can't answer that question. even my short term goals are constantly evolving, which is a function of my potential, and my self belief. from the beginning i have said that i'd always be a participant, never a competitor. maybe it was a cop out. maybe there is this fat, bench warming kid inside of me still who says that i am good enough to come to practice and ride the bench, but that the coach would never put me in. i've thought i didn't have the genetics or the toughness or the dedication. but that's just dumb.
2 years ago i wondered how i'd ever be able to run 6 miles without stopping to walk, i ran with misery and heart threatening to pound out of my chest, i ran with fear of failure and white knuckles. and i sit here and shake my head thinking about someone in my club who just signed up for a 200 mile race and i think, now that's crazy. i could never do that. but then i remember how frightened and desperate for confidence i was that day i picked up dean's book. and now i am thinking about 4-6 ultra races this year. here sits a woman who finished a 20 mile training run this weekend with an average pace of 9:30, when a year ago it was 12:30. and i wonder whether i have the right to dream of winning races someday. of running 100 miles in less than 24 hours. of mountain running. of getting into races that you have to qualify for.
yeah. yeah, i have the right to dream! you tell that girl who huffed and puffed through the 2 mile loop around her neighborhood for the first time 2 years ago that she can't do whatever she wants. maybe i don't have the genetics. but i have the will. the passion. belief in myself.
what else can 2 years bring? where will i be on my 32nd birthday? dreaming of 3 hour marathons? dreaming of age group wins, top 3 overall females, course records?

why NOT me? give me a good reason. you don't have one, do you? neither do i.

it's been a wonderful 2 years. running has brought me to places literally and figuratively i would have never seen before. the intense fatigue and pain of distance running can bring about such a dark night of the soul, an emotional monster that you would have never faced otherwise. surviving that encounter tells you something about who you are that would have been left undiscovered. setting and achieving a goal, watching your body change, seeing yourself improve it is life changing, life affirming, God honoring.
yes - running has taken a lot from me. time, energy, money for gear and races. but what it has given me in return is almost too big for words. a happy anniversary it is indeed.

thank you thank you jimmy for pushing me out of my comfort zone... for supporting me in this passion, for running beside me, for watching the monsters so i can pound pavement. there is no way i could do this unless you supported me. i am so happy that i get to share the journey... all of it, with you.

ready or not?

last night there was a "training session" at my kid's preschool. this is the third one i've been to, but i'm still not quite sure what i was "training" for, as there wasn't a lot of teaching and learning happening. it's more like an info night to give us updates regarding what is going on in the coming months, and usually there is a pretty poor turnout.
however, last night the classroom was packed to the gills with moms (and a few dads) sitting in teeny, butt numbing little chairs. i don't think that suddenly people got a lot more free time or that they were itching to hear more of the teacher's off topic ramblings, but most were likely there because we were going to be discussing kindergarten readiness. i know that's why i was there. you see - we have not one, but two children who's birthdays will fall just before the cutoff date. (in new york it is december 1st, in every other state in the union it is september 1st) consequently, depending on what we decide to do, lily and maya will either be the oldest kids in their classes or the youngest.
in kindergarten, i suppose it doesn't matter so much. lily is smart, she is attentive and can sit still and follow directions, and she plays well with other children. however, she is not very impressive in the confidence and self reliance department. and apparently that, more than IQ, is the determining factor in whether or not they are ready.

what's the big deal?, you ask. if she isn't ready, they'll hold her back and she can do kindergarten again. not so fast... that's not really how it works anymore. because of the No Child Left Behind Act, there is no retention of children in school. to meet the standards set forth by the federal government and receive the full amount of federal funding, kids in public schools are automatically promoted... unlike in our day where a child was held back for failing to progress, at a teacher's recommendation or for flunking test scores in key subjects.
this scares the crud out of me, because it basically means that we have this one chance - right now- to decide if our child will be an academically developed, emotionally and socially mature middle schooler. how can i know that? i have no experience with children save for my own, and she is the oldest. besides that, we have to decide NOW, not in 9 months to sign her up for another year of preschool or to push her through.
add to all this the STRESS of last night. a room full of elementary and middle school teachers, and moms with older children who've gone through this all telling me what i should be doing, and what they are going to do. it was an unbelievable amount of peer pressure as they each in turn asked me when lily's birthday is and then all knowingly nodded and said, "hold her back". "i am holding mine back", "i held mine back", "i have never spoken to anyone who regretted holding their child back, but i do know of plenty who regret not doing it". by the end of the night i was starting to feel like it was child abuse to even consider sending her next year.

there is so much weighing on this decision. her best friend is 3 weeks younger than her, and she is definitely going to kindergarten next year. likely means nothing now, but what about when one is in 5th grade and the other in 6th grade? what about the stigma of being the oldest in the class? when i was a kid and there was someone who was a year older than everyone else, we all assumed that they must have flunked a grade. lily is kind of slim in the self belief department (i think it's genetic), and kindergarten is not like it was for us. it's not naps and snacks and singing songs and recess. it is work. reading, math, science, writing.. homework. in west irondequoit school district, half day kindergarten is all academics. there is no art or music or recess. they sit at tables and work for 3 hours. what if she is not ready to do that.. not that she's not smart enough.. but that she is developmentally just not ready? what will it do to her precious little self esteem to be constantly faced with difficult tasks that she struggles with, fails at or at least has a harder time with than the kid sitting next to her? what about that frustration? what would that do to her little girl heart? and would we see the effects of that immediately, or in those troubled teen years? unfortunately developmental screening, at least in the WISD occurs AFTER they are enrolled in kindergarten. makes no sense.
the middle school teacher who was in the room talked at length about her job, where she specializes in working with the troubled kids... the depressed, socially behind kids and it made me recall my school experience. she told of kids who can pinpoint the source of their troubles back as early as 1st and 2nd grade. i can do the same. and it made me wonder if i had a hard time simply because i wasn't emotionally ready to begin school when i did. academically i was fine, my standardized test scores well above average... but despite that, most everything about school was a struggle for me my entire academic career.
and then some may simply think, what's the big deal? can she write her name, follow directions, go to the bathroom by herself? she's ready - send her! and maybe it is as simple as that. maybe i am hanging my baggage of a bad early schooling experience around my own kid's neck. she is not me, she doesn't have to suffer from the confidence, self esteem and emotional fragility problems that i suffered from. she is her own kid, who will write her own history.
yet, i can't shake the feeling that this decision that we make in the next few weeks, will set the child's course for the rest of her life. we'll be visiting a private school or two in the coming weeks and i'll be praying over this decision.
keep your fingers crossed for us.